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In 1967, The Beatlescrooned “Love is All You Need”, which became a mantra for the hippy trippytimes of cultural revolution. While most of us like to project love intorelationships, self love exercises are just as important.
In addition to thefight for civil rights, the “alternative” philosophies of Buddhism and Hinduismbecame popular in the mid-20th century with their messages of loveand peace, and the practices of meditation and yoga.
The peace and loveof the 1960s dissolved in the heat of the 1970s and the conservatism of the1980’s. However, the message of love, tolerance and acceptance remained andmanifested itself if psychology, particularly in the notion of ‘Self Love’.
We should look at why the ideas of peace and love were so powerful for a generation, and how self love exercises can make a difference in today's disconnected world.
Table of Contents
Self LoveExercises Can Make Big Things Happen
The idea of buildingup a loving mental state prevalent today, and it is taught by counselors, lifecoaches, and psychiatrists. If you visit any bookstore (yes, there are stillbrick and mortar bookstores in the world), you will discover that the self-helpsection is vast, filled with tomes on loving yourself.
However, to startthis journey, you don’t necessarily need a library of books on the topic.
Rather, the steps totake on this new path are varied, depending upon your own preferences, needsand wants. Beginning with any of the below suggestions, you can make this newpractice simple and accessible.
What isSelf Love?
What exactly is Self Love?
It is defined as “ahigh regard for one’s own happiness and well-being, taking care of your ownneeds and not sacrificing them to please others”. It is also a rallying cry fornot accepting less than what you deserve.
An important aspect of self love is that it isperceived as a positive human necessity rather than a moral flaw orcharacteristic. Negative interpretations of self love include vanity,selfishness, narcissism and debauchery. These notions are not consideredrelevant to this discussion, as they are usually deemed personality disorders,whereas Self Love is an affirmative state of mind.
Although it is astate of mind, self love can do so much more that makes you feel good. Selflove can help you to recognize and to stop recurring dysfunctional relationshippatterns, to make better decisions (ones in line with your best interests), toalleviate depression, to improve work conditions, to change the image youproject and to cope with the universal problems of being human.
MakeTime for Healthy Practice
Embracing your owninterests, hobbies and likes is empowering no matter the relationship status.The most apt saying for this subject is that the only person who is going totake care of you is you, so let’s get started with some exercises!
Again, as notedpreviously, choosing one or two exercises depends upon what works best for you.Please don’t feel pressured to follow all of the ideas and don’t feelfrustrated if the practice takes time. Remember that you are cultivating selflove not self criticism.
8 Self Love Exercises to Elevate Your Mood
Here are eight ways to practice self love, and get yourmind into a healthy place:
1. Do Some Self Talk
On that note, thefirst piece of advice is to notice how you talk to yourself. Don’t feel shy orembarrassed; we all do it! But how we do this is of great significance.Negative self talk reinforces feelings of worthlessness and increases anxiety.To a certain degree, you probably believe what you tell yourself, that you arestupid, lazy, fat or ugly.
Such toxicity willharm the psyche, tricking yourself into believing that you don’t deserve thatpromotion or a loving partner. It can become a crutch to justify self-limitingbehavior and perpetuates bad patterns, neitherof which will improve your mood or your life.
While humans do tendto be hard on ourselves, constant self-criticism is different and more harmfulthan “knowing thyself”. Taking responsibility for an unfortunate situation andtaking the opportunity to learn something valid does not need to involve harshself-criticism.
Therefore, if younotice that you tend to excoriate yourself when there is a misunderstanding ora mishap, please acknowledge it and then stop yourself from completing thethought. Take that pessimistic interpretation and rephrase it, turning it intoa supportive and nourishing positive statement. In this manner, “I am sostupid” becomes “I made a mistake and that is ok, because I learned that I havegreat supportive friends.”
Another aspect ofthis exercise is to forgive yourself. Consistently punishing yourself for anincorrect deed or a harsh word is not emotionally or mentally healthy. Learn toaccept your humanness, and the accompanying imperfections. Despite Instagramand plastic surgery, there is absolutely no perfect human being on this planet.Give yourself the empathy and compassion you reserve for others.
Fear of failure alsokeeps many people not only from achieving greatness but also stuck in dullroutines. Once you accept yourself and your wonderful unique nature, you willsee that there really isn’t failure, especially if you learn a lesson, grown asa person and/or recognize the silver lining.
2. Affirmations Are Easy
Affirmations areanother means to elevate mood and to encourage self-love. What areaffirmations? They are positive phrases and statements that replace negative orchallenging thoughts. Extremely simply to do, affirmations allow you to createyour own statements in order to address a specific situation or concern.
Of course,underlying conditions and triggers will still exist, but practicingaffirmations allows someone suffering from anxiety, depression, and/or lowself-esteem to relieve immediate physical and mental symptoms, and there isscience to prove it.
Several medicalstudies have produced evidence indicating that certain neural pathways areincreased with the affirmation practice. The ventromedial prefrontal cortexbecomes more active and helps to analyze and deconstruct potentiallythreatening information.
Empirical studieshave shown that affirmation has positive benefits to overall health.Affirmations can decrease stress; improve academic performance; lower worry andfear; make people change their lifestyles for the better; make people perceivethreatening messages with less resistance; and improve physical behavior.
In addition to thesepleasant perks, affirmations increase overall resilience, encourage optimism,and heal the body. Said three to five times daily, affirmations foster happyfeelings, thoughts and attitudes. When creating your own affirmations, focus onthe present and use short concise “I” statements.
Some affirmations for self-love include:
- I love myself.
- I am confident in all that I do.
- I am doing the best that I can.
- I believe in myself.
- I accept myself.
- I am smart/capable/beautiful.
- I am present in this moment.
- I am a good and kind person.
- I take care of myself.
- I am a unique and interesting person.
- I am empathic to those around me.
- I deserve the best.
- I am focused on my own well-being.
- I am in touch with my inner being.
- I am grateful.
3. Try The Emotional FreedomTechnique (EFT)
Emotional FreedomTechnique, or EFT, is an alternative treatment for emotional distress andphysical pain. It is a therapeutic psychological tool that is often referred toas “tapping”. It focuses on the meridian points (energy hot spots used inTraditional Chinese Medicine) in the body to restore energy balance.Restoration of energy balance relieves symptoms of negative experiences and theassociated emotions.
EFT works by usingthe fingertips to tap and/or apply pressure to the meridian points, reducingstress and anxiety. It is best to Google EFT and find a chart of the meridiansin the body, in addition to the specific areas that need to be tapped, forexample the eye brow, chin, and collarbone.
EFT works best whenyou identify the main issue or fear. If you are trying to cultivate self loveand to elevate your mood, analyze the root cause of the stress, anxiety, ornegative thought, the obstacles hindering you from your goal.
One of thefundamental principles of EFT is that you acknowledge the issues and acceptyourself despite the problem. The intensity of the problem is reflected in theintensity of the applied finger pressure.
You will be asked toestablish a phrase to accompany the tapping. An example is “Even though I havethis (fear/problem/issue), I deeply and completely accept myself”. This phraseforms the foundation for many derivatives, depending upon the specificsituation.
4. Practice Self Care
Individuals whopractice self love also practice self care on a daily basis. This can take theform of nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, and healthy social interactions.Pamper yourself with a massage or a good book.
Taking time todevelop your own interests or to take a class or to research a potential hobbyin which you have always been interested are additional self care options.Although it may be perceived as selfish or even extravagant, by learning to putyourself first, you are well on the road to self love.
5. Make Mindfulness a Part ofYour Life
Although mindfulnessis another contemporary buzz word, it too originated in Buddhist philosophy.
Mindfulness is theconcept of being aware of the present moment. Rather than contemplating pastevents or future possibilities, or being distracted by worries andpreoccupations, mindfulness calls attention to things happening in the here andnow, to purposefully focus upon emotions, thoughts, surroundings, and bodysensations.
Self love isenhanced when you are aware of what you think, feel and want. By acknowledgingthese emotions and acting upon them, you boost self-confidence and learn to actin your own self-interest rather than the demands and judgments of others.
It allows you to acton what you need rather than what you want, a subtle but important difference.Emphasizing need over want stops automatic behavior patterns, which can causetrouble and keep you stuck in unpleasant situations. Being truly presentstrengthens decision making, clears the mind and reinforces livingintentionally.
Meditation, even forfifteen to twenty minutes a day, can help you achieve mindfulness. There aredifferent meditation techniques, some with mantras and others with breathing,so find one that appeals to you. This can be a great journey of self-discovery,self-love and stress reduction.
6. Set Some Healthy Boundaries
We all have that onefriend who is a bit blunt and direct in their speech or who tries to eat yourfood off of your plate. Then there are the individuals who simply don’t respectphysical, mental or emotional boundaries, people that will try to takeadvantage of you and your time.
From toxic workenvironments to narcissistic relationships, there is currently a culture ofpleasing, especially for those in vulnerable positions. Rather than tolerating the bullying and abuse,by setting boundaries, you have already reclaimed your power.
‘No’ is not a badword, and therefore, it is not a bad thing to say. By learning to say thatmagic word, you are embracing people, activities and work projects thatenergize and fulfill you, rather than depleting and destroying you.
This is especiallytrue if you are female, since women are often taught to be pleasing,considerate and selfless. Adjectives such as “bossy”, “shrill” and “angry” areaffixed to women who stand up for themselves. Don’t fear these words; they aremerely a means of control. Stay true to the boundaries and know your limits,and you will be truly loving yourself.
7. Protecting Yourself Matters
Although this isrelated to the above discussion on boundaries, protecting yourself againsttoxic people or psychic vampires is essential. Ideally, you should try todismiss or avoid these people, cutting them out of your life. However, work andliving situations might not allow that. Nonetheless, being around people thatconstantly drain and insult you takes a toll on your well-being.
Even the infamous“frenemy” is someone to be ignored and unfriended. Anyone who takes away yourspotlight or criticizes your uniqueness needs to go. We are ingrained with thenotion of giving people a second chance or allowing our loneliness to drivedecisions, but this can lead to unhealthy relationships that damage your corebeing.
It can be difficultto detect narcissists and psychic vampires, but once you do, walk away. If yourealize that there are frenemies hiding in the ranks of your social circle,distance yourself. Be with people who build you up and support you, not thosewho thrill in your misfortune.
8. Being Grateful Can ImproveYour Mood
All of theseexercises are interrelated, but even though there is some overlap, each can bedone alone or in conjunction with others. Practicinggratitude, like mindfulness, takes the focus off of what is “wrong”with you and redirects it to what is “amazing” about you. Rather than broodingabout what you don’t have or that others have it better, you can appreciateyour own talents, accomplishments and dreams.
In Easternphilosophy, “energy flows where the attention goes”. This demonstrates that youcan become more attuned to your body and blockages in the meridians, and onceyou start discovering your generally awesome attributes, it will keep evolving.Your outlook about yourself and others will change, and you might even becomean optimist!
A piece of sageadvice regarding this particular exercise – do not base your gratitude orself-worth on the physical body. Even in this superficial popular culture, itis important to accept the inevitable changes of time, but also to truly knowthat we are all more than meat suits on a skeleton. We are actually spiritualsoulful beings.
Practicing gratitudecan be incorporated into affirmations, EFT and/or meditation. Simply repeatingthe affirmation “I am grateful” will cause a mood shift. Mindfulness andgratitude work well together too, so finding a mantra for this sentiment can bea great way to enhance your daily practice,and ultimately, your daily life.
Final Thoughts on Self-Love Exercises
On the road to selflove, no matter which route you may take, please note that the destination isnot one that is without emotions. Emotions are an extensive part of beinghuman, and rather than shunning or repressing them, acknowledge and understandthem.
Buddhist nun PemaChodron states that we should sit with the emotions and surrender to them,whether they are conventionally perceived as “good” or “bad”. Once you sit withthe emotion, you can release it. There is no reason to cling to it or to defineyourself by it. You can love yourself and your entire range of emotions.
Although self lovemay be interpreted as a popular catchphrase, there is a great deal of soundscience and philosophy behind it. In the short term, not only can it reducestress and anxiety, but it can elevate your mood. In the long term, it willincrease your self-worth, improve your well-being, encourage a positiveoutlook, and literally change your life.
Setting boundaries, practicing gratitude, uplifting self-talk and making good decisions will create a world of difference, and it all starts with small steps as outlined above. Please feel free to give yourself a hug – you deserve it!
And if you'd like to learn more about this topic, then here are a few article to check out:
- 55 Self-Care Day Ideas to Focus on Yourself
- 11 Self-Care Checklists to Track Your Daily Needs
- 33 Ways to Invest in Yourself and Your Future
Nicholas Say was born in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and has been interested in global belief systems from a young age. This area of study led him to research many Eastern philosophical systems, including Vedic and Buddhist ideas and practices. Today he thinks that humanity needs to find ways to be happy with being, as opposed to possessing and doing. His views fall roughly in-line with the late philosopher Alan Watts, who he venerates as great teacher.
